Thank Heavens Hard Boiled Eggs Aren't In Baked Goods

While grocery shopping today with my loving husband JD, I passed some packages of hard boiled eggs that I thought would taste great in the tuna salad I planned to make for tomorrow's lunch. Then I flashed back to all of the times I have attempted to hard boil eggs at home.

As any young woman would do, I started my hard boiled tenure by consulting The Joy of Cooking, where there are simple step-by-step instructions on how to deliver the perfect egg. And it worked. Once. Since then I have tried countless times to cook a hard boiled egg to perfection, and each attempt has ended in one of the following: hard to peel eggs, hard to peel eggs, and hard to peel eggs.

Now, I have consulted several sources to find out what I am doing wrong (since Joy is obviously not idiot-proof). I have read cookbooks, blog entries, Google answers, and magazine articles. I have consulted my mother, friends, co-workers, and my dog. I have started with cold water, warm water, eggs in at start, eggs in at boil, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, immediate boil, cold water, ice water, salt, new eggs, old eggs, peeling them hot, peeling them cold, peeling them room temperature, rolling the egg, cracking the egg, singing to the egg...But this time was different. This time I knew things were going to turn out. I just had a feeling. So, I passed up the immaculate pre-boiled eggs and headed home to my dozen raw eggs.

The first sign of trouble was the lack of eggs. There were only three. And one was cracked. There were only two. I would not be deterred.

I did not need Joy this time. I knew exactly what I was doing. So, I poured some water into a pot, put in my lovely two eggs, had a last minute change of heart, opened the book, poured out the water, put the two eggs at the bottom of the pot, filled the pot with water measuring one-inch above the eggs, noted that this was impossible due to the fact that the eggs were floating (is that a bad sign?), and put the pot on the stove to boil. Good start.

I was going to do this to the letter. Let the water boil, then immediately take the pot off and let the eggs sit for 12 minutes before pouring cold water over them to stop the cooking. But it would take a minute for the boil, so I decided to make my lunch for the next day, and use the restroom, and check out something on the computer...until JD yelled from the kitchen that the water was boiling. "For how long?" I asked. "I don't know," he replied. Sigh.

I rushed to take the lid off the pot, slid it off the burner and noted the time so I could return in 12 minutes to pour cold water over it. And then JD and I took the dog for a walk. It was a lovely walk: nice weather, a slight breeze, engrossing conversation, and an interesting new route. We returned in good spirits, and JD started to fix his chicken salad. As I looked at his shredded chicken, I thought to myself that I was glad my lunch was already made. Too bad for JD that I used the last two--EGGS. I forgot the eggs. Again.

I quickly took the now luke-warm pot and placed it in the sink to fill with cold water. Then I did what any self-respecting person would do in this situation: I placed the eggs in the freezer to cool faster (because that makes perfect sense at this point). Just for a few minutes. Just to cool them off so I can finish my tuna salad. To pass the time, I sat down to watch an episode of Cheers (we are watching from start to finish, all 275 episodes). When the episode ended, JD mentioned that dinner was ready whenever I was. I offered to get it since I had to finish my tuna salad with the two--EGGS! Seriously?!?!

They were frozen. The bottoms were sucked in and the yolks were glassy. Good thing I really only like the whites, and was able to salvage them for the tuna salad. Oh, I forgot to mention the actual peeling of the eggs: they peeled wonderfully. I do not know where along the way I found the magic answer to my peeling problem, but there it is. Perfectly peeled, salvageable eggs egg whites.