Like most of my baking adventures of late, the evening started when my baking assistant Eli arrived in a fully coordinated baking outfit and brought with her the standard baking necessities: authentic Italian truffle honey, Iberico cheese, and boxed red wine.
The pie started simply enough with a successful attempt at a graham cracker crust. I will remember that I must only bake pies that go well in a graham cracker crust.
Next I tried in various ways to hack my way into the first pie pumpkin. This was the beginning of a very long and arduous learning experience. After I eventually cracked the first pumpkin shell (with a butcher knife in the end), I found myself facing its guts. It was explained to me that my next task was to remove all seeds and strings and cut the pumpkin meat into chunks for boiling. So, I reached in and started to work. First with my fingers, then with a spoon, then with my fingers again, then a spoon, then a knife.
After approximately 15 to 20 minutes of cursing and drinking (and minimal gut extraction), my invaluable assistant suggested slicing the pumpkin like cantaloupe and then paring the string from each slice. Genius.
Next step: boiling the pumpkin meat and then removing the skin. My assistant at this point showed her severe lack of patience. Apparently it was problematic for her to wait for the pumpkin to cool before paring, so she blew on it, placed it in the freezer, and eventually settled on torturing me by insisting that we pare the pieces while they were still scorching (and it turns out I have sensitive fingers).
After eating a delicious dinner of curried chicken prepared by JD, I returned to my pie making. I was in need of a potato masher and had none. I briefly entertained using my blender to mash the pumpkin, but then I decided to be a purist and just went at it with my fists.
I would like to say that it was then that I found the satisfaction of digging into my baking full-force, but that would be a lie. It was squishy and slimy and unpleasant; however, I did gain satisfaction from my efforts. The result was a pumpkin pie filling with fairly even consistency. I hear this is a rare skill (and the reason why Food Network hosts use canned pumpkin). Take that, Food Network Hosts.
After some now-forgotten time in the oven: viola, pumpkin pie! And not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I had never had real pumpkin pie, and I was told that it would taste a little different from what I was used to. It did. It was awesome. I may or may not undergo this particular baking venture again in the future, but I am glad that I conquered the traditional pumpkin pie at least this once. It was enjoyed with an equally traditional topping: Cool Whip.
Lessons learned:
1) Baking instructions can make very complicated and difficult tasks appear easy and simple.
2) You never know when you will need the butcher knife that has been laying unused in a kitchen drawer for almost 10 years.
3) Pumpkin pie needs to cool in order to firm. Do not lose heart.
4) Boxed red wine from Target is surprisingly drinkable and one should be careful since it is difficult to tell how much has been consumed due to its opaque packaging. Hint: probably more than you thought.
